Pasta and Apple Juice

I have several shortcomings. I’ve never changed a tire or my oil. I forget how to do derivatives, and I’m not even sure when I would need to do one. I couldn’t fish for my survival. I could floss more often than I do. But one thing I’m really bad at is estimating the necessary portions of pasta needed for a meal. I was serving dinner for three tonight: Caleb, Owen, and me. And for some reason, a half box of penne pasta didn’t seem substantial enough for the crew. So I added several handfuls of another type of pasta--Radiatore (not the movie).

It’s not so much the overestimation of appetite as it is the underestimation of pasta’s expansion capabilities. But as I drained the pasta into the colander, I realized that most of the families on the street could be served (with seconds) with the amount that steamed in front of me. The heap seemed more daunting when I realized Caleb and Owen weigh a combined sixty pounds, roughly the weight of what I had just boiled. I served Caleb’s allotted eleven noodles and Owen’s nine, then just to partially cover my mistake, ate three bowls of pasta myself—well beyond the point of contentment. I then found the largest Tupperware container we own and managed to stuff the leftovers in it and placed it in the fridge next to the two vats of apple juice…

…so we go through a lot of Apple Juice. Owen drinks it, and apparently the other kids Teri watches also drink it—and bathe in it. And their parents may get a complementary glass upon pick-up and drop-off based on the amount we have on-hand at any given time. We have a lot. And when I say a lot…think, well, of my pasta servings.

Teri manages to find vats of the stuff at Sam’s Club. They come in the canisters once used for Agent Orange in Vietnam. When placed in the fridge, the container dwarfs anything in its vicinity. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I did not see the trough when I went to mix juice with Owen’s water, so I went to the basement and with the assistance of two neighbors carried a new vat upstairs. I poured Owen an ounce, threw out my back, and went to place it in the fridge. The problem was…there was no room because another cooler of apple juice was taking up the better part of the fridge.

So we’re having pasta and apple juice for breakfast tomorrow…and each day this month.